Wednesday, January 26, 2011

The choice of chocolate

Well, what a difference a day makes. I got a call yesterday to go to work. I knew that if I really thought about it too much before I left I wouldn't go. I called David and kind of made the decision to go. I didn't actually even have all of the details. I had an idea of where to go and how long it would take to get there. 
The drive out of Houston was fine. I got just outside of the city and I started to feel weird. I am not sure if it was something I ate or drank or if I was just stressed out. I couldn't really focus on anything. My vision wasn't blurry but I couldn't focus on one thing. I tried to keep calm and keep going. 
I got to the hotel around 1am. I was super tired and turned in for the night. I had a hard time sleeping because I was regretting my decision to come also my roommate was snoring pretty loudly. 
Today I wake up and my roommate is heading out to go pick up her car. I sleep until about 9:30 and decide to get up. Not really knowing where to go or what to do I head out on the town. There is nothing around, it is 40 miles to anything I would call civilized (Walmart, McDonalds). I drove around for a while. I then talked to my friend Jenna, and she gave me some advice, advice I had pretty much given her when she was in my situation last year. I appreciate it a lot. 
Then I went back to the hotel. My roommate arrived and we bitched and fussed about work a bit. We figured out where the site was and headed out to find it. We met the company man and the rig up team and were told we would be working on Wednesday. I was a little less than happy! I had another whole day in a strange town 10 hrs from my fiancĂ©e with no pay and nothing to do. I got back ate a muffin and surfed. I am becoming a surfing pro(the internet that is).
I talked to my sister twice too. The first time was explaining my situation and hearing about her job woes. The second time we were trying to figure out what I should do about my job dilemma and what career would be a better fit for me. 
Honestly, I know there are a lot of things I could do, but there are not a lot of things I want to do. I want to be a mom. I want to help kids. I want to teach them cool and exciting things about math and science and things they can create. I want them to use that creativity to challenge themselves to create new and better technologies for the world. I want to inspire them to find their true calling in life, Whatever that may be. Not what someone else wants but what they want. 
I talked to my cousin Amy as well. She is planning on coming to stay with David and I in the fall next year while she completes an internship. We are really excited. I mentioned my dilemma with work. She said if D makes enough to support us then it would be hard for her to stay too. 

I just keep thinking how I would like to spend the time at home. How I have done this for a year and shouldn't that be enough. When do I get to enjoy my life? Haven't I suffered enough? 
I have come to this conclusion. I will stay, even though it will be one of the hardest things I have had to do. The only way I am quiting is if another offer comes along in the Houston area and I can make most of the money to cover my bills. I will know that I will quit after this job if I can not do this any longer. It might turn out this is not what I signed up for and I will quit and go home tomorrow (depends on the equipment and how my shift goes). It may end up I will make it to the end of the well. 

I will take it one day at a time and see which chocolate I choose from the box of life.

Today I got a coconut filled chocolate-yuck, it doesn't leave a very good taste in my mouth but it still is chocolate.

1 comment:

  1. Choosing chocolate of your choice is like choosing the career you want to pursue. I just hope you will be enlightened and will be able to make the best decision. It will also be good to stay home and attend to your children if you already have ones.